Grieving in Community: Remarks from Despair Sanctuary

“And still men and women drag out their lives in misery
The nightmare continues”

These are lyrics from the Stoke-on-trent hardcore punk band Discharge, recorded in 1982. They were written in reference to people whose lives were ruined by war.

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Four decades later, they still resonate. The nightmare continues. Since those lyrics were written, American bombs have been dropped in Iraq, Syria, Pakistan, Libya, Somalia, Palestine, and more - murdering and displacing countless humans, rendering countless communities landless, starving, and destitute. The American Empire continues to wage war with disturbing consistency.

Who can pay attention and not despair?

Despair is with us. 

I despair over those bombs. I despair over the death, the bloodshed, the trauma, and the cries of pain.

But that’s not all.

I despair over the climate.

Despair is the feeling I get when I see the sign that reads, “This is the coldest summer of the rest of your life.”

Despair is what I feel when the sky is orange from uncontrollable wildfires thousands of miles away, when the air isn’t safe to breathe but I still have to work outdoors.

I despair over our justice system.

You despair when you realize criminals are created for prisons and not the other way around.

Despair is what I felt when the state of Missouri killed Marcellus Williams.

Despair is also when you owe more money than you have in the bank.

Despair is applying for a job you could never want, or working a job you could never want.

Despair is every day without a general strike.

Despair is a fascist majority in all three branches of the U.S. government.

Circumstances, I contend, create despair.

We who are in despair don’t need a change of perspective, we need a change of circumstances. As the metal band SubRosa pointed out, “Despair is a siren.”

Despair is an integral part of our circumstances. It has been occasioned. There is an occasion in our world for despair. …

Remember, at the root of despair is a refusal to accept things the way they are. Hope fuels reform. The failure of reform gives way to despair. Despair clears a path for revolution. 

My only advice for you tonight is, find people who share your despair and make space for each other to sit in grief. Make your despair a communal activity, because you are not alone.  

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